Do Not Fake Bake

Coming up: Tips on safe tanning.

How To: Hangover

Listen up, motherfuckers. I'm about to share some very special insider information.

When the Bollinger bottle has run dry (God forbid you drank Veuve Cliquot, you cheap harlot), when the yacht has docked, and when your walk-of-shame down the boulevards of St-Tropez is upon you, it means only one thing: an almighty hangover of epic proportions is on its way.

Now, we will accept partial blame for this, because a) it's hard to refuse a Czar offering you a vintage champagne, and b) weighing 125 lbs means having to sacrifice food, i.e. nothing in your system to soak up the alcohol.

There's only one cure for this kind of sad. And don't even say the word "Gatorade." We don't do pedestrian "sports" drinks. Get your minds out of the gutter.

What your body craves is young coconut water. A natural rehydrant, it will recharge your system within minutes. Which means you'll spend less time in bed, and more time flaunting that taut 125 lb frame on the French Riviera.

Because I (and you) are too sublime to waste time "recovering." After all, another yacht awaits.

How To: Fragrance

If the word cologne conjures horrifying images of Drakkar Noir, PE class, and acne, it's time to re-evaluate your relationship with fragrances.

Maybe you were that kid who was pummelled during dodgeball, picked last during kickball, and became very familiar with the armpit of the class bully.

But you've moved on! Right? Right?

People underestimate the power of fragrance. Have you ever smelled someone who smelled so delicious you wanted to mount them, then and there? Have you ever been approached by a goon whose overzealous use of Brut aftershave made your nostrils cry and left you screaming "Staten Island?"

Done right, fragrance can place you in the former category - the prom king that everyone wants to get down with.

First things first: what season is it? Yes, it makes a difference. Winter calls for warmer, heavier, woodsier colognes. Summer begs for something light, fresh, and citrusy.

Everybody has a different pH level, and therefore each fragrance will smell slightly different on each person. A good quality fragrance will be made with high quality essential oils, and should last throughout the day, with only a couple of sprays necessary.

The best option for those who haven't narrowed down the right fragrance(s) would be to take a taxi straightaway to Barney's on Madison Avenue. Their fragrance department (sub-level) is unparallelled and their staff very knowledgable. Tell them your favourite scents, and they'll find you the perfect fragrance.

In the meantime, because my taste is impeccable, here are a few that I'd recommend. You'd do well to heed my advice.

Comme des Garcons: somewhat mass market (available at Sephora), it's hard to go wrong with this line. Their fragrances are masculine, spicy, urban, and sophisticated. They transition best from fall to winter.

http://www.beautyhabit.com/commesdesgarcons.html

Diptyque: makers of the finest candles in the world. Some of their frangrances are single-note (not too many layers of scent), so they are perfect if you prefer something simpler. In warmer weather, try the Philosykos - it will have you (and those who smell you) dreaming of Santorini. For fall, try the L'eau de Tarocco, a balanced blend of citrus and musk.

http://www.beautyhabit.com/diptyque_edt.html

For a real treat (for most people this is a splurge, but I like to use it daily, sometimes even as my deodorant!), head to Bergdorf Goodman's Men's store, which stocks the entire line of Creed Perfumes. I often wear the Erolfa when summering on Capri, and the Himalaya whilst reading Tolstoy by the fire.

http://www.creedperfumes.us/creed_permananent_collection.php

Smell ya later!

Xoxo.