How To: Abs Part 1 - Diet

Oh, the ever-elusive 6-pack (in my case, 8-pack). Every garcon is desperate for washboard abs, but let's face it: they take a lot of discipline.

So, please put down that jambon/fromage baguette (Ham & Cheese Hot Pocket for those of you in the Midwest) and listen up.

Before I delve into my arsenal of exercises, we need to talk about diet. Some people hate that word. I LIVE for it.

What you eat on a daily basis counts for 70% of how your body will look. What you want are lean meats and high-fiber leafy greens. Examples:

Steamed salmon and sauteed spinach - Yes

Filet O Fish - Nyet

Sprouted Wheat Morning Cereal - Oui!

Cap'n Crunch - Mais Non, fatty.

Organic Mediterranean Yoghurt handmade by the village peasant woman - high protein, low fat, all humiliation! Win!

Anytime you are feeling a little peckish, snack on some Osetra or Beluga caviar. The mouthfeel and the saltiness curb cravings like a dream. Added bonus: you'll feel superior to the commoners around you.

Those of you with social lives will also want to know about cocktails and the like.

Red Wine: Oui Oui Oui!! Full of antioxidants and resveratrol, red wine lowers bad cholesterol and fights free radical damage to cells. That means better health AND better skin.

Beer: Um, have you SEEN what people in Milwaulkee look like? Do you have the dry heaves yet? That's what I thought.

Lowest calorie option - vodka & scotch, either neat, on the rocks, or with soda. No tonic! (Please do not ever be so daft as to order a Cosmopolitan. We are no longer living in 1998.)

Eat a lower carb diet full of lean protein, leafy dark greens, and plenty of fiber, and you're on your way to intimidating people with the flatness of your tummy.

Because I live to intimidate.

Xoxo.